What Happened to James?
by foreverarusher
Summary: Something happened to James... can the guys figure it out before he pushes them away? Rated T for SLASH, pairing: Kames. Multi-shot! Read and Review, and I'll love you forever!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! Here we go again... another new story. But for this one, I'm not sure if it should be a one-shot or a multi-shot. If you want it to be a multi-shot I have a ton of ideas, but as of right now, it's a one-shot. Let me know what you think!(:**

**Pairing: Kames**

**Summary: Something happened to James... can the guys figure out what it is before he pushes them all away?**

Something had happened to James. Nobody, including myself, knew what that was. I didn't even know anything was wrong until the nightmares started. One night I was fast asleep, only to be woken up by something heavy on my chest. As I came to, I realized it was James laying on top of me, curled up in a ball, head tucked into my neck, shivering, crying, hanging on to me for dear life. "K-K-Kendall." he managed to stutter out, sobs wracking his body. "Kendall, I'm s-scared." I immediately started running my right hand up and down his back soothingly and stroked his hair with my left. "Sh... it's alright, baby." I cooed, trying to comfort him. "I'm right here, I won't let anything hurt you." We stayed like that for about a half an hour before James finally cried himself to sleep. As I wiped the tears from the pretty boy's face, my mind was racing. As far as I knew, that had never happened to James before. Sure, he'd have nightmares and I would comfort him, but in the 2 years we'd been dating & the 6 months we'd been engaged, he had never cried himself to sleep. Well, not in my arms, anyway. I wished I could've done something to help James besides let hiim cry himself back to sleep. I wanted to wipe away whatever the fear was that made him cry. I didn't go back to sleep that night. Every so often James would start whimpering, "Kendall... help me. Don't let it hurt me." So I just rubbed his back soothingly and whispered comforting words until he went back into a semi-peaceful sleep. I dind't know what was going on, but I knew I had to find out. Fast.

**So, who thinks it should be a multi-shot? Huhhh?(: Either review, follow or favorite the story and I'll know that you think I should write more.(: Also review to give me feedback on what you liked and what you didn't like! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Awful day... awfulawfulawful day. But writing helps me, so here I am, writing another chapter! haha(: So, I once again forgot the disclaimer part in the 1st chapter... what is with me and forgetting disclaimer stuff? I DON'T OWN BTR. **

**Yet.**

**Anyway(: Let me know what you think!**

James and I stayed like that all night- him laying on top of me, I mean. And all day he would barely ever leave my side. He'd always be touching me- it was like I was his rock, the one holding him together. And who knows? Maybe I was. That night when we once again got into bed, he did the same thing, only he didn't wait for a nightmare this time. This time he just laid right down on top of me, and I tangled my fingers into his hair as I breathed in, catching the smell of his Cuda products that he always loved to wear. Once again, the nightmares happened again all night. I tried to stay awake, but I just couldn't. Two nights of no-sleep just wouldn't do it for me. But I always woke up when he had a nightmare. It was impossible not to. I was surprised Logan and Carlos hadn't heard anything yet- he was pretty loud when he was scared.

That went on for a couple months. Then, suddenly, it was like James just shut down. I didn't even know why. Just one night instead of me waking up with him on me, he was still asleep on the other side of the bed, as far away as you could get. That day he wouldn't let me touch him at all. Everytime I tried, he would back away and try and make up some lame excuse. "Um, I have to go, Kendall." was one that he used often even when he had no where to go. But it wasn't just me that he wasn't letting touch him. Nobody could touch him, I found out when I was talking to Logan and Carlos about his strange behavior later on.

After one of his lame excuses, we finally let him go down to the pool. Logan suggested he just needed some space to try and figure out his nightmares, and that he would be back to normal in no time. So space is what he would get. But when it got to be a few hours later, that's when we started getting worried. Finally I sent Carlos down to the pool to bring James up. That's when I got the call, "Kendall, James isn't by the pool. Everybody said he left a really long time ago." Carlos and I talked for 2 seconds and I hung up, telling Logan that we needed to get everybody we could and search for him. After we had assembled a search team, we all split up until finally I got a call from Carlos saying "We found him! But he's too weak to get up, and he won't let anybody touch him. He keeps calling for you, Kendall."

Within 5 minutes I was to where they were. There was James, laying on the ground, curled up in a ball, crying and pleading with everybody not to hurt him. _Is he asleep?_ I wondered, thinking of how he said that whenever he was having a nightmare. I gently put my arms around him and raised him into a sitting position. When he looked into my eyes and realized it was me, he finally stretched out from his fetal position, wrapped his arms around my neck, and let me take him home. On the way back to the Palm Woods, we were sitting in the back seat with him on my lap. He was looking at me, eyes blown wide with fear. As I gently put my lips to his forehead, I whispered, "It's alright. Nobody here is going to hurt you."

**What was that? haha(: James angst, that's what it was! So, I hope you all liked it, let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**So, I am amazed with all the responses! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I absolutely loved the encouraging words. And thanks to everyone who favorited/followed this story! Disclaimer stuff... Don't own BTR... I think we already knew that, though. But my dreams shall never fail, so I shall own them one day!**

After about a month of James not letting us touch him, I got a little fed up. I knew he was scared about something, and I knew I needed to be there for him, but it was getting a little ridiculous. He didn't have a pattern - I could never tell which days he was going to be touchy-feely, or when he would freak out if you touched him. Finally one day, I got an idea. James was sitting on the couch, watching a hockey game while Logan, Carlos and I all stood in the kitchen talking quietly. "I have an idea." I said slowly. Logan and Carlos gave each other a worried look, then looked back at me. "What's your idea?" Logan asked hesitantly. "Well, I'm just going to try it out and hope it doesn't all blow up in my face." I didn't want to tell them because I knew if I did, they wouldn't let me try it out, and I needed to know what would happen. It was one of the days where we weren't allowed to touch James. So, I sat down next to him, and he looked at me with dull and lifeless eyes. "What?" Very slowly, very gently, I reached up and touched his cheek once, then let my hand drop down. There it was - life was coming back in his eyes, only if for a brief moment. His eyes filled up with tears as he whispered, "Kendall." I knew I had done the right thing when he grabbed my hand and put it back up to his face. "I'm right here, love." I whispered back, gently caressing his cheek with my hand.

After that day, James had three kinds of 'moods' which made it all the more confusing. There were the days he couldn't get enough of the touchy-feely stuff and would never leave my sides, the days where I had to initiate the touch, and the days where he didn't want to be touched at all. The last two were the most confusing to me. How was I supposed to know if he wanted me to initiate the touch or not if he didn't tell me? He always acted like he didn't want me to touch him- how was i supposed to know when he was faking and when he wasn't? One day I guessed he wanted me to initiate the touch... I guessed wrong. James completely blew a fuse on me, and started cussing me out. Even though I knew he didn't mean it, tears still filled up in my eyes and I was hurt. Back when I was younger, my dad had this bad drinking problem, and whenever he'd drink and my mom wasn't home, he'd come home start swearing at me, then he would beat me. Badly. An involuntary shudder traveled up my spine while James was swearing at me, but he didn't know why. I had never told the guys that. I was the leader, I couldn't be vulnerable in any way. That meant they couldn't know how much swearing got to me. It always brought me back to that day. Finally, when James was done, I whispered out, "James, I'm sorry. I'm trying my hardest, I really am! We all are! But I can't tell when you want me to touch you and when you don't. You need to help me out here!" James face dropped, and he had an ashamed look on his face like he thought he was in trouble. I cupped my face in his hands, forcing him to look at me, even though he didn't want to. "And you're not in trouble, and I'm not mad. I just want to help you, I want to give you what you need. But you need to help me out at least a little bit, and somehow let me know what you want. Okay?" He nodded his head, and I quickly backed away from him, not wanting him to freak out again.

That night I woke up because of James again, but this time he was being pretty quiet. He was crying, but not very hard, and instead of saying "Kendall, don't let it hurt me.." or anything like that, he was saying, "I have to get to him. I have to." As I looked down at him and gently wiped his tears away, I wondered who 'he' was, and why he had to get to him so urgently. But because he quickly simmered down, and became quiet again, I just went back to sleep, my hand on his back. The next morning when I woke up, James wasn't by my side. "James... James?" I asked sleepily, then came out into the living room. "James?" That's when Logan appeared, his brown eyes worried. "Uh, Kendall... James is gone."

**Ooh, where did James go? Sorry to keep you in suspense again about what's wrong with him... I kinda like cliffhangers a little bit.(; Keep reviewing, let me know what you think! **


	4. Chapter 4

**OHmyBTR! I checked my e-mail, and there were probably 20 emails of either people reviewing, following, or favoriting my story, and there were some people even following and favoriting me as an author! You guys are amazing! All of those amazing reviews inspired me to write another chapter, so... here I am! Disclaimer: Still don't own BTR. But I'm asking Santa for them for Christmas! lol**

"What?" I yelled, causing Carlos to jump. "Sorry." I quickly said, then turning back to Logan. "How long has he been gone? Where did he go? Why did you let him go?" Logan quickly shrank back to try and get away from me. "I don't know! I didn't let him go, I swear! I woke up, and I thought he was with you, but I checked the entire house anyway. Then when you came out here looking for him, I realized he was gone! Kendall, it's not my fault!" When I realized what had happened, my temper simmered down a little bit. "You're right, I'm sorry. Now we need to go find him!" When I looked outside, I found it rainy and looking pretty cold. What if James was out there all alone, stranded, couldn't find his way back home? What if he was dying right now and we were standing here doing nothing?

We looked for about 20 minutes, yelling his name, going all different directions. A ton of people started helping us look when we explained what had happened. For a while, the only thing you could hear was "James... James!" Then suddenly I heard "Kendall, I think I see something over here!" I sprinted over there, and sure enough there was something huddled up, not moving. I quickly moved over to it and there James was, his eyes closed. "Oh God, no... James, no, James!" I shouted, picking him up in my arms and clutching him to my chest. "Please, buddy... please open your eyes." After a couple minutes, I realized tears were pouring down my cheeks, and everybody was crowding around me. Then suddenly, I heard. A throat being cleared. "K-Kendall..." a voice whispered roughly. I looked down and James was slowly opening his eyes, looking around like he was disoriented. "Oh, James!" I cried out in relief, silently thanking that he was still alive. "Kendall, I can't find him." "You can't find who, Jay? Who can't you find?" At that James fell silent, and refused to talk anymore. Instead he curled up even tighter in my arms, laid his head against my chest, and fell asleep. I sighed, stroked his wet hair away from his face, and kissed his forehead. Then Logan came up behind me. "C'mon, we should probably get inside and get him into some dry clothes." It was only then that i remembered it was raining, and then I realized my clothes were thoroughly soaked. I followed Logan back to 2J, helped James into pajama pants, and laid him down on the couch, me next to him, him all curled up in my arms.

I needed to figure out what the heck was going on with James, and I needed to figure it out fast. I somehow needed to make sure he didn't get out again without any of us knowing. I needed to figure out who this guy was, and why James needed to get to him so badly. I needed to figure out why he was having these nightmares. I needed to figure out why he wouldn't let me touch him some days.

But most of all, I needed to figure out what was going on inside James Diamond's head.

**Okay, I'm really sorry if that was a boring chapter, but it was kind of a filler. Next chapter will be more of what James is feeling and what's going on in his head! I hope you still liked it, though. Keep the responses coming, I absolutely love them.(:**


	5. Chapter 5

**So, sorry if this seems a little rushed, but I was determined to write, and I didn't have very much time! haha(: Disclaimer: ...you thought I... huh... I wish so too, I wish so too.**

The next morning, James was actually there. I was so glad he was, too. I really didn't want to have to send out another search party for him. When I got out of bed, he was already up, sitting in the living room, watching TV. Logan and Carlos were with him. James looked at me, and the look in his eyes was one unlike I had ever seen before. "James...?" I asked, looking at Logan and Carlos wondering if they knew what was wrong. They just shrugged, and Logan turned the TV on mute. "Kendall..." he started off, taking a deep breath. Then suddenly, without any warning, tears just started streaming down his face. "Whoa, whoa, babe.." I ran over to him, and cradled him in my arms, whispering comfortingly to him. "Shh.. it's alright..." When he finally calmed down a little bit, his hazel eyes looked directly into my emerald ones, and he said, "I'm sick of living like this." "Like what, Jay?" I asked, pushing his hair back from his face. "I- I don't even know! Some days I'm really happy, others I'm really sad, and some I'm even really angry. Some days, like today, I'm totally and completely in love with you, and I want to kiss you until we both can't breathe, and other days I feel no attraction to you whatsoever, and I wonder why we're engaged." Ooh. That cut deep. Behind James, I could see Logan and Carlos's mouths gaping. I somehow managed to keep a straight face, though, and remained completely calm. "Why do you think this is happening, James?" James looked up at me, confusing in his eyes. "I don't know, Ken. I really have no idea." After I comforted James a little while longer, he decided that he was going to go in our room and try and think things through. Once he was in the room, I told Logan and Carlos that i was going to the park. I knew I was going to break soon, but I'd rather burn in hell before I let them see me cry- let them see me weak and vulnerable. If they see me like that, then how will they know who to go to in their toughest times? No, I had to find somewhere where I could be alone. They agreed, understanding that what James had said had really hurt. So, I went to the staircase and sat there in the corner, just crying. Some days he didn't know why we were engaged? What if one of those days he decided to break up with me? What if those days were a sign that he wasn't truly in love with me anymore? What if?

**Sorry, I know it's short, but I hope you guys liked it anyway. It was... interesting to write. haha(: sorry, I still didn't tell you what's going on with James, but let me know what you think! Like I said before, I loooove cliffhangers.(;**


	6. Chapter 6

**So, I know I most likely just totally gave away the secret in the last one, but here is the official telling of the secret! haha(: And some... other stuff.(; Disclaimer: Of course I own them... in my dreams.**

Logan finally found me sitting in the stairway, my eyes all puffy and red. It was obvious I had been crying, but at that moment I didn't really care that he found me. I wanted to have somebody comfort me, and obviously that person couldn't be James. I couldn't let James know that had killed me on the inside. I just tried to keep telling myself that he was out of his mind. That something had happened, and he was out of his mind. He didn't really mean it... right? I was so confused. So Logan just sat with me for a few minutes, silently. I was glad he wasn't saying anything. It was silence that i really needed. Finally, he said we should get back, and eat some dinner. I agreed. On the way back up to 2J, we were talking about how he thought James had bipolar disorder, and it sounded like he had severe depression to go along with it. "We need to somehow get him to a mental facility so they can do some tests. But I don't know how we're going to do that, because you know how much he hates hospitals..." That was true, I did know. He would rather die than go to a hospital and get cured. "I'll find a way." I said determinedly. Little did Logan know, I was already forming a plan in my mind.

The next day was one of his freak out days. I had been hoping it'd be a touchy-feely day, but obviously I was not going to get that lucky. Nevertheless, I decided to put my plan in motion. "Hey, James, we're taking a road trip today, whether you like it or not." Even though it was one of his bad days, I saw a little light pop up in his eyes. He had always loved road trips. "Really? Where are we going?" he asked, a tiny bit excited. "It's a secret..." i said with a sly smile, hoping to not give off the impression that it was going to be somewhere he hated.

We drove for about an hour, when he finally started to get a little suspicious. "Kendall, I feel like we've been this route before..." But he didn't realize what it was until I actually pulled into the parking lot. I was driving his black Ford truck, the one that had monster wheels because he wanted it to be super high off the ground. i had no idea why, but he was happy with it, so I was happy with it. That was, until we pulled in the parking lot, like i was just saying. His eyes immediately turned dull, then he turned to me, and there was a spark- then a fire. He was furious. This was not going to be good. "Kendall, I thought I could trust you! I thought this was actually going to be something for US." He spat my name out like it tasted bad in his mouth. Instead of arguing back, I just took off my seatbelt and opened my door. Then I looked at him, about to tell him to just get out of the truck. But before I could say anything, all of a sudden I was being pushed out of the truck. Then I landed on the pavement... hard. My head throbbed. Then I heard the truck start up, and it sped away.

James had just abandoned me.

**What was that? James being physical? Whoa! Stay tuned for the next part, and don't forget to review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, since I got 3 reviews, I decided I'd update! You guys never fail to amaze me. I post it one day, and the next I have like 3 reviews, and each time more people following/favoriting my story! You guys rock! Disclaimer: Well, I had a dream about James last night, but unfortunately it was only a dream...**

*Kendall's POV*

As I heard the truck speed away, I slowly sat up and rubbed my head. Then I felt a liquid on it. Holding back a groan, I looked at my hand to find it red. Of course. My head was bleeding. That was just my luck.

I had no way of getting back. I had no money with me, and I had forgotten my cell phone. I just figured it was no big deal because James had his, so if anybody needed to get ahold of us, they could just call his phone. Right? Well, obviously not anymore.

It seemed like the best plan of action was to just start walking home.

*Logan's POV*

James returned a couple hours later after he and Kendall had left, but Kendall wasn't with them. That immediately turned a little warning signal on in my head. "Where's Kendall?" i asked him, and he turned to give me a glare.

"Why do you care? You put him up to it, didn't you? You told him I had to go to the loony bin! Look, I'm not crazy!" James said.

I shrank back a little bit. James was towering over me. "I- James, I don't think you're crazy, but you even said it yourself... you're tired of living how you're living. And you need help, James!" I squeaked out.

Pushing me out of the way, he stormed off to his and Kendall's room without another word. Carlos looked at me worriedly. "Logan, where's Kendall?"

I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "I don't know, Carlos. I have no idea. He forgot his cell phone here. I guess the best thing we can do is wait until he hopefully finds his way back home. If he doesn't come back by tomorrow morning, then we'll send out a search party."

It was a long couple hours before all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. I jumped up and ran to get it. When I opened it, there was Kendall standing there, looking.. not good.

There was something in his hair - something dark, it looked like it was a liquid that had dried.. was that blood? He was shivering, was pale, and was wet. I looked outside and found it was pouring. "Carlos, go get me some warm pajama pants, and a sweatshirt!" I ordered.

Helping Kendall inside, I helped him get changed into dry pants and a sweatshirt, and had him sit on the couch. After putting a blanket on him, I made him some soup, and started talking to him while he was eating it.

"Kendall, what happened?" He looked at me, fear in his green eyes, and stayed silent. "Kenny, please tell me what happened." I whispered quietly, using the childhood nickname that always got him to tell me anything.

*Kendall's POV*

I hated Logan for using that on me. For some reason, whenever he called me Kenny, I couldn't refuse to tell him anything or give him anything he wanted. But that didn't mean I had to tell him the whole story..

"I got out of the car, James slid into my seat and drove away." I stated shortly, pretending that was the whole story.

Logan looked at me like he didn't believe me. "Then what's with all the dried blood in your hair?"

Shoot. How had I forgotten about the blood in my hair? My head was throbbing painfully at the mention of it. "When I was walking home, I fell and hit my head." That was half the truth... right?

He still didn't look like he believed me, but he let it go. We sat there in silence, watching a hockey game, me not telling them my head hurt like hell. After a few hours, Logan and Carlos decided they were going to go to sleep. I sat in the living room a while longer. Just as I was about to drift to sleep, I felt something on me.

And there was James, all curled up, settling himself into my chest.

**I hope you don't hate me because I feel like that was an extremely boring chapter. /: It was another filler. Next chapter will be better, I promise!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Well. I bet you guys really do hate me now because the last chapter was boring and I haven't updated in so long! Sorry about not updating... I really don't have an excuse, except... yeah. I don't have an excuse. I hope this makes up for it! This'll pretty much just be fluff.(: Disclaimer: I still don't own them...my 'someday' hasn't come yet.(;**

With a sigh, I just gently started stroking James' hair and looked down at him. With fearful eyes, he looked up at me. "I'm scared, Kay."

_You're telling me... _I thought silently. I had already been shoved out of my truck... what was going to happen next? "Of what, Jay?"

"I can't remember what happened today. All I know is that I got mad... and I did something to you. I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear." His voice was all shaky, and he began to cry.

I cupped his chin in my hands and brought his lips to mine. When I pulled back, I wiped away a tear. "It's alright, Jay. I know you can't control it."

James took a deep breath. "I know, but I want to control it. I want to get control of myself. I just hate hospitals so much..."

Well, he at least remembered I had taken him to a hospital. I started running my fingers through his hair again. "I know you hate them. I do too. But this is just one of those times where you're sick, and you need the help."

"B-b-but, I'm not sick." He said, confused.

"I know you're not physically sick, but you are emotionally sick, baby. And it's not your fault. It's just something that happens sometimes." My voice was shaking now too, because I was trying so hard not to cry.

"So, I really have to go to the hospital?" James whimpered, snuggling closer into me.

"I think it'd be the best thing for you, babe." I whispered, wrapping my arms tighter around him and kissing him on the head.

"Will you be there?"

"Of course I'll be there. I'll never leave you." I whispered gently. "Now, get some sleep, love. We have a long day ahead of us."

He drifted to sleep, and I sat up thinking. James didn't remember what had happened. He didn't remember shoving me out of the truck, he didn't remember getting mad and yelling at me. All he remembered was that I took him to the hospital.

Maybe that was for the best. Who knows what he would do if he found out he had physically hurt me? Who knows what the guilt would do to him? Or would he even feel guilt? Was that physically possible for him anymore?

Yeah, he had apologized for hurting me, and he cried, but who knew? Maybe it was impossible for him to feel anymore. I just knew I needed to get him to the hospital. But what if tomorrow was another one of his "don't-touch-me" days? What if the same thing happened again?

*The Next Morning*

I woke up to James still clinging to me, still asleep. I started rubbing his back, and after a little while he slowly opened his eyes. Looking up sleepily at me, he said, "Morning."

I hesitantly said, "Morning, baby." back. I would be able to tell in a few minutes if it was one of his touchy-feely days, and I prayed that it was.

We stayed like that for a while, and after about 20 minutes, he just snuggled closer into me. (If it was even possible.) I breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully it wouldn't be too bad getting him to the hospital.

"So, today's the day, huh?" James voice was small, and muffled as he buried his face in my chest.

"If you're ready. But I think the sooner we get this done, the better." I said quietly.

"It should be today. But Kendall... I'm so scared."

"Shh, it's alright, James. I won't let anything happen to you, and I'll be with you through the whole thing, alright?" I said soothingly.

"Alright."

After we got ready, we said bye to Logan and Carlos and made our journey back to the hospital once again. Only this time when we got there, he looked at me with tears and fear in his eyes.

I got out of the car and opened the door for him. He got out, and immediately I wrapped him in a tight hug. He was shaking like a leaf. "It's alright, James. Everything's going to be fine."

He nodded, and we walked into the hospital, holding hands. After asking him some questions, and giving him a CT scan, they diagnosed it as bipolar disorder. "It's a very severe form of this disorder, with amnesia. He doesn't realize what he's doing, and after it happens, he doesn't remember it even happened. We'd like to admit him to the hospital for a couple weeks to give him medications and see what works and what doesn't work."

I nodded. James eyes filled with tears. After we got into a hospital room, and all the doctors left him alone, he turned to me, tears finally spilling over. I went over to him, sat on the edge of his bed, and wrapped him in my arms. "Sshh, it'll be alright. I promise."

I stayed for a few hours before a nurse came in. "I'm sorry, but visiting hours are over."

"No. I'm not leaving. You're crazy if you think I'm leaving." I said firmly.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you have to leave. Visiting hours are over."

Just as I was about to retort, James opened his mouth. "It's alright Kendall. Just, be here first thing in the morning? Please?"

I spun around to face him. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. You need to get some sleep, and so do I."

"Alright. I'll be here first thing tomorrow morning, probably with Logan and Carlos."

"No. Just you. Please." He said quietly.

"Of course. I love you, baby." I leaned down to gently kiss him on the lips.

He kissed back, then said, "I love you too."

**Hah, fluff! I hope that was enough to make up for the last chapter. And the next chapter will be filled with more... DRAMA. :D Please let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, so, my friend really wanted me to update, so here I am...(; I feel so accomplished! I've updated all 3 stories of mine today! By the way, check out BTR Songfics and Quotefics and Oh, Baby! (: Disclaimer: I'm running out of different things to say for this... but, whatever. I don't own them.**

I got a call the next morning from a number I didn't know. "Is this Kendall Knight, emergency contact for James Diamond?"

My heart stopped. "Yes... why? Who are you? What's going on?" I said frantically, putting them on speaker and changing into skinny jeans, a plaid shirt & a beanie as fast as I could.

"My name is Dr. Hershel. I was the doctor in charge of taking care of Mr. Diamond, but when I came in there this morning, he was gone. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" he sounded completely emotionless, like this didn't matter to him at all. That was a little fishy to me, and I was getting a little suspicious of this Dr. Hershel.

"Well, I know he doesn't like hospitals, but I'm not sure where he would have gone. But I'll try and find him, and bring him back. Thankyou." I hung up, and dialed James' number. "C'mon, James... pick up, Jay."

After a few rings, it stopped ringing. "What, Kendall?" James snapped. Thank goodness he had picked up.

"Jay, where are you?" I asked quietly. Logan had walked into the room, and gave me a questioning look. "Isn't he at the hospital?" Logan asked quietly.

I shook my head and put a finger to lips, waiting for James to respond. "I'm at the park. Why do you want to know?"

"I'll be there in a few minutes. Don't leave, alright?" There was something in James' voice that I couldn't place. It was different, I didn't think I had ever heard it before.

Without a word, he hung up. I got the feeling that he was mad at me... probably for leaving him alone. Shit. I should've never left him alone, even if he did insist that it was alright. "I'm going to the park." I told Logan, walking out of the apartment.

After a few minutes I got there, and I saw James sitting on our favorite bench. He wasn't doing anything, just sitting there. But he was only wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I mean, California weather isn't that cold, but when you're used to it, it can get kind of cold, and today was one of those days. I went up to him, and went to give him a hug. "Don't touch me, Kendall." his voice was cold, but it was masking something.

"Jay, what's wrong? Why did you leave the hospital? And why are you so mad at me?" I asked, giving him my jacket. If I couldn't touch him, he should at least be sort of warm.

"You promised, Kendall." he turned to look at me, and even though there was anger in his voice, I could see the hurt he was covering up.

"I promised what?" I figured he was probably talking about me promising to be there, but I didn't really have a choice in that. That lady was firm in saying visiting hours were over, and James had insisted I could go!

"That everything would be okay." I quickly looked up and looked into James' eyes. There was no light in them. I had gotten used to it, but today there was something just... different. Something had happened, and it was big.

"What happened, James?" There was a moment of silence before his eyes filled up with tears and he just started crying. I hesitantly went and wrapped my arms around him, despite his protests. He gave up and just buried his head in my chest and kept crying. "Shhh. What happened, love?"

"The doctor.. he scares me, Kay." he said shakily. "Things... happened. You promised me it would all be okay, that everything would be alright!"

"Everything will be okay. It might not be right now, but I promise it will be okay. But I need you to tell me what happened, or else I can't do anything about it, babe." I said quietly.

"He... he... did things to me. Touched me."

**...Ew. That's all I can say. Anyway, let me know what you think!**


	10. Chapter 10

**So, I obviously have quite a few chapters left to go, but, I was just thinking... how cool would it be if we got to 100 reviews?(; Well. No pressure. Just a little goal of mine. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, and thanks to those of you who favorited/followed me as an author, or this story! Don't forget to check out BTR Songfics and Quotefics, and Oh, Baby!(:**

"Oh my God." I whispered as my arms instinctively wrapped tighter around James' shaking frame. I was shaking too, but from a few things. I was scared for James- he had finally gotten help! I had finally convinced him to go to the hospital, then this stupid Dr. Hershel decided to take advantage of him like that? It was going to be a major setback. Who knew if he'd ever trust me enough to get help again?

I was also furious. James was FINALLY getting help, then Dr. Hershel just took ADVANTAGE of him! He already had trust issues... I'd be lucky if he'd ever trust anyone again, let alone me. I just wanted to go find Dr. Hershel and strangle him to death. I hated him with a fiery passion.

I could feel James' tears seeping through my shirt while he buried his face in my chest. "Sshh, Jay, it'll be okay. I got you. Shh." Making sure to firmly keep him in place, I picked him up. "C'mon, let's get you back to 2J."

When I got back to 2J with James in my arms, I was met with Logan and Carlos, who had worried looks on their faces. "What's wrong?" they both asked frantically.

I shook my head and widened my eyes, warning them not to say anything more about the subject. It was too much for James to handle, and he and I both knew it.

The day passed by slowly, and I wasn't allowed to really do anything, because James was in my arms. I wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom, I couldn't eat, I really couldn't do anything except hold him.

And I was completely fine with that. I felt so terrible. I was the one who had found Dr. Hershel, and had taken James to him. I should've done a background check or something. I guess I just thought doctors were all supposed to be good people. Apparently not.

*2 Weeks Later*

Every night was the same. James would have a nightmare that would make him wake up screaming. I'd already have been awake before he started screaming, and I'd hold him, stroking his hair and whispering soothingly until he woke up. I wanted my voice to be the first thing he heard so he knew he was safe.

I was surprised at the outcome of the whole thing. I had expected James to always have the 'don't touch me' days, but instead, he just threw himself into our relationship. I was the only one he felt safe with - he always had to be with me, almost always touching me in some way. The only time we weren't together was when one of us was in the bathroom, or we were showering.

When I was showering, I'd go as fast as I could. And even though I came back out into the living room within a half an hour, I'd find him as tense as possible. He'd sit all stiff, looking around anxiously, playing with his hands.

Or, if he wasn't doing that, he'd curl up into the fetal position in the corner of whatever room he was in and start crying. I'd found him multiple times like that. Like today, for instance. I came out of the bathroom and started looking around for him. I finally found him in the corner of our room, looking extremely stressed. My heart broke as I heard him cry out. "K-Kendall!"

I wondered how long he'd been saying that. Had he been saying it the whole time I was in the shower? I quickly walked over to him, scooped him up in my arms, brought him over to the bed, and set him on my lap. Once he recognized it was me, he immediately calmed down, snuggling closer into me for protection.

"Shh..." we stayed like that for a while, until he finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep. That's one of the other things he was doing a lot. Sleeping. I knew it was a side effect of his depression. Logan, Carlos and I had all done extensive research on bipolar disorder and depression, trying to figure out some of the side effects.

When James was asleep was definitely when he was most peaceful. He'd forget about everything for a little while. He'd get an hour or two of sleep. Peaceful, dreamless sleep. He used to dream about me and him, something extremely romantic and corny. But, he didn't think about that kind of stuff anymore, so he didn't dream about it.

Now after those one or two peaceful hours without dreams, then the nightmares would start. He'd never talk about them. Just cry for a while, then drift back into an uneasy sleep. The next morning we wouldn't talk about it. I didn't want to push him, because I wanted him to know he could trust me. I figured I should give it some more time before I asked him any questions.

But at least he was getting sleep. I honestly hadn't gotten any sleep since the day I found him. Sure, I was completely exhausted, I had never stayed up this long before. But James was way more important than my sleep. I needed to be there for him. I needed to be able to be the first thing he heard and saw when he woke up from a nightmare.

I couldn't go to sleep. My body wouldn't let me. Well, more like my mind wouldn't let me. Sometimes I did drift off for a few minutes, but then James would whimper, or let out a deep sigh, or something, and I'd immediately wake up. I'd wait for any warning signs that the nightmare was coming, and if it did, I'd comfort him.

But, he was progressively getting better. He was progressively starting to not have so many nightmares, eventually trusting Logan, then Carlos. His bipolar and depression weren't getting better by any means, because he didn't have any medication, but I knew it'd be a while before I could get him to a doctor again.

I never let my guard down for one second. No matter where we were, even if we were at home alone, I was always on the lookout. Always on the lookout for someone who could hurt James, physically or mentally. I was even aware of myself, always thinking before I spoke. I had never done that before.

I was constantly getting on Logan and Carlos' nerves because I was always making sure what they said was right. They were getting so fed up with me, but it was worth it. Anything was worth it for James.

So, as James slept, I once again stayed awake, stroking his hair, waiting for his nightmare to come.

**Woohoo, update! And it was a long one!(: I hope you guys liked it! Make sure you let me know what you think... and don't forget about our little goal...(;**


	11. Chapter 11

**I SUCK. I know. Feel free to throw eggs at my house or whatever you'd like to do to me. Considering this hasn't been updated in very close to 2 years. But I'm back! And I'll hopefully be posting more. If you guys read/review this story again, I would love you to the moon and back. Once again, sorry for the disappearing act I pulled!**

**Disclaimer: BTR isn't mine, unfortunately.**

The tiredness was finally starting to take its toll on me. After not sleeping for weeks straight, nothing was making sense anymore.

Every day for me was spent holding James, showering when he would let me, and then going back to holding James. Logan or Carlos would make the food for each of us. They still didn't know what had happened to him to make him leave the hospital.

Whenever anybody would talk to me, I would have to ask them to repeat it a few times. Even when they did repeat it, it would take me a while to actually realize what they had said, then a few more minutes to come up with my reply.

But it was all worth it, because James was getting better. He wasn't in my arms as much anymore. He was starting to feel safer with Logan and Carlos, as long as I was still around. His nightmares weren't as bad.

Finally, one day, James realized how out of it I was. "Kendall... When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?" He asked quietly, his thumb stroking my cheek lightly.

"What?" I asked, my immediate response to anything anybody said to me. After a second, I realized what he'd said. "Oh, um, I don't know. I'm alright."

James shook his head, sighing quietly. "You've been staying up all night for me, haven't you? Baby, you really need to get some sleep."

I gave him a small smile, shaking my head. "No, no. I'm fine."

With a glare, then sticking his lip out in a pout, James shook his head as well. "Please go to sleep. For me."

For me. Those were the words that I always dreaded whenever anybody said them to me. How was I supposed to refuse if they wanted me to do it for them? I sighed quietly as I watched James, trying to figure out what I should do.

James leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to mine. "I promise I'll be okay. Logan and Carlos will be here, and they won't let anything happen to me."

A proud smile crossed my face at how mature James was being about the whole situation. He had grown so much in just a short amount of time. "Okay..." I finally gave in, nodding.

James nodded, getting a little grin on his face. He allowed me to switch positions so I was laying down, and he was cuddling me. I let my eyes close, and I was asleep in less than a minute.

***James' POV***

I sighed heavily when Kendall was asleep. I felt terrible. He was barely able to function, and it was all because of me. It was all my fault.

I looked over to Logan, and he seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. "He's just worried about you." Logan said softly, gesturing down to Kendall's sleeping form. "But it's not your fault. He's doing it because he wants to."

Carlos nodded his agreement, and I sighed again as I pulled him closer to me. Kendall thought I was getting stronger. I wasn't. I was just better at acting like I was getting stronger.

Somehow, I'd managed to make my nightmares not so loud, so that Kendall didn't realize they were happening. I'd managed to somehow relax my body to make it look like I actually trusted them. But I didn't.

I didn't know if I'd ever trust anybody again.

**Wow, okay, so I don't blame you if you really hate me now because that chapter was super boring. /: If I can't get this story back up and running again, that's alright. I'll just start a new one. But since this was so popular, I decided I'd give it a try! So, please. Read and give a review. I'll love you until the day I die. **


End file.
